4) Feel the Burn

So, after my last post I decided to just stop complaining and just get my ass up off the couch.  And it's paying off.  I've pushed myself more then I had the last time I went to the gym.  

I think that was part of my main problem with May-August.  I didnt push and didn't really see results; yes I had lost a few pounds and toned up a bit but not nearly how I wanted to.  So like most people in the world, I gave up.  But this time I'm pushing and seeing results with even less time at the gym.

The magic?  Running.  I knew it was going to come to that before but now that I have an actual goal to run, I had to suck it up.  Despite the goal of the 5k, I hate running.  I have horrible memories of running in school where I was the last one to finish the damn mile in gym class.  I couldn't even make it the whole way around the track once without having to stop.  Now, I know running on a treadmill isn't exactly the same but I'm ridiculously proud of myself that today I ran a half mile.

I weighed myself and was pleased, we'll see how I feel on Monday when it's my 'official' weigh in.  A friend of mine (Hi Georgette!) is on the same mission as me and we're challenging each other. 

3) Frustrations

Not even a full week in and I am already incredibly frustrated with myself and the whole lot of this plan.  I thought that putting the thoughts down would help me out, help keep my goal going but thus far it hasn't.  

I know it isn't that far in and I shouldn't be so frustrated but I know this is the sort of thing that is going to keep happening.  

I've been obnoxiously tired.  I've recently started a new job and I like a lot but the hours are early; more like when I worked in retail rather then an office setting.  So it's left me pretty drained.  I did get to the gym twice and I plan on going for a long time tomorrow morning.  But I didn't get on the bike or gazelle at all this week.

And in being tired, it means I don't work on the good eating habits.  I have relied way too much on boxed things yet again, or just easy pasta dishes.  I need to stop it.  There is also way too much junk-food in the house and I can't control it.  Anyone that knows me understand who my 'roommates' are and why I can't really complain.  But then there are chips, cookies, candy.  And oh the Tastykakes...they are so good and make me feel like I am in school again. 

I have decent willpower up to a point, like before Natalie's wedding I basically starved myself for a week so I lost a few pounds.  And I did okay then.  But without a day to day goal, I can't really stop myself from shoving food in my face when I shouldn't be.  No combination seems to work for me: one big meal and then smaller ones, small snacks through out the day...nada.  I just keep shoving food in my face.  

I'm not giving up, but I really need to figure out a way around all of my problems or I am going to give up. 

2) The Beginning

I wish I could say that day one is already in the record books, but there are still far too many hours in the day for me to say that.  I just got home from the gym and I forgot how a) good it felt and b) how much it hurts when you are out of shape.  I am in no way saying I was in shape while I was going regularly, but it had stopped hurting a bit.  But I suppose, so far so good.

So here is what I want to get out of this whole thing:

1. Lose 50 pounds by May.  That's 7 pounds a month and I feel that is very do-able.  Sad thing is, with my height that still puts me at an overweight BMI.  
2. Run in the Pittsburgh Marathon 5k for the Mario Lemieux foundation (in May)
3. Be a better vegetarian/pescatarian (I do eat fish on a very rare occasion).  I rely far too much on pasta and boxed meals for my food.

At first, I plan on going to the gym every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday or Sunday.  Days that I do not go to the gym, I will ride the bike or use the gazelle here at home for 15-30 minutes after dinner.  I figure that will be the first two months or so, then I may actually be mentally ready to head out and do some real running.  I need to get better running shoes first, I fear for my knee.  But then again, if I lose the weight the knee probably won't hurt so much.

I plan on staying around 1200 calories per day, one cheat day of closer to 2000.  I am not going to obsess over carbs, but I am going to watch salt and sugars.  And I am not going to beat myself up if that does not always happen; some days you just have to have a cupcake.

1) Preperation

Many years ago, during my freshman year in college, I had this friend named Brant.  Funny and "fabulous", he was the sort that always commented on people and their appearance.  And I laughed heartily, I was the proper fag-hag after all. One instance has stuck out in my head and is the inspiration for the title of this blog.

One day while sitting in the cafe, he decided that one of the girls he didn't particularly like was to be named Porkchop.  Why Porkchop?  Because she was fat and he could just imagine her ripping into a pork chop.  I laughed of course, because honestly I could see it myself.  But she wasn't that much bigger than I was and it bothered me.  It always has.  What made me different?  Honestly, not a lot.

And that has continued to this day.  I've tried to change, I've tried to start taking better care of myself.  I joined a gym back in May in hopes of slimming down for a wedding this past month (I did but gave up and ended up right back where I started at).  I'm hoping that that if I blog this time, try to keep better track of things (and maybe some cheerleading from friends) I may be able to beat the fact that I really dislike who I am.

The gym bag is packed and ready for tomorrow.  Crossing my fingers here...